Seriously! I was on the N Train and I saw this guy in a tailored suit that was, without a doubt, Santa Claus in disguise1. And then I was all “HEY SANTA” and we had this lovely conversation about cookies, and reindeer, and elf workman’s comp lawsuits, and the midterm elections. You know, Santa stuff.

ANYWAYS, it was about that time that I realized that I missed my stop and I was staring at an older, fat gentleman. He looked right at me and rolled his eyes in a very Why does everyone stare at me all the time? sort of way. OH I DON’T KNOW, maybe it’s because you have rosacea and a fluffy white beard and you look so goddamned jocular. Jerk.


1 – Doubtful!